I Am Superfluous

It's October 26th and to say, quite honestly, I'm disappointed in myself. This month was devoted to horror films, nothing but. Somehow, I've lost control and have become addicted to watching The Office. But fuck you, I'm going to review the movies I have seen, and by review, I mean give a very futile summary and some sort of clever joke that only Marshall McLuhan will get.

First on the list we have:

Rosemary's Bab(a)y

I give this movie :
///

(three slashes- because this is a horror movie,kind of, so I rate in slashes. I came up with this idea entirely on my own, but someone stole it from me, check out:www.yellowbarrel.blogspot.com to see what I mean)

The film starts out like any other: character exposition and John Cassavette's getting laid by Mia Farrow. I don't really know how to classify this movie, it is a sub-genre in the horror realm, I can tell you that much. But it fits in that category of which the Exorcist and the Omen belong in. According to Netflix, it is a "Supernatural Horror" film. I guess this makes sense...

The thing I liked about this movie, besides Polanski's direction, was the fact that we're never really sure if Rosemary is right about her suspicions of the "satanic" neighbors. Speaking of which, the neighbors were my favorite part of the film. As we all love quirky, interesting characters; the old couple next door were just as entertaining as the thought of Bill O'Reilly getting a vasectomy.

This movie would be a 4 slash movie, but the final scene made me frown twice at the same time. It's like spending 2 hours talking to a girl, falling in love with her, and after the two hours she tells you that she is a lesbian and thought you were a girl the whole time. Such a disappointment.

But I did like the fact that Roman doesn't show us the baby. ss

The People Under the Stairs

x

This movie was so stupid, it made me want to go back into the womb and accidentally choke myself with the umbilical cord. Or go back in time and convince my mother to take lots of psychotrophic drugs while she's pregnant with me so I have some sort of brain defect and then maybe I'll appreciate this movie.
The best part of this movie: Ving Rhames being a bad ass, as always.
The worst part: Everything else. Especially the use of members from Motley Crue and Guns & Roses as the "people under the stairs" (see photo above)

I could say more about this movie but I don't want any death threats. So just watch this clip instead and then cut out your eyeballs, burn them, and then bury them in your backyard.

The Exorcist
////

This movie is super cool. Cooler than a penguin's butthole.
One day William Friedkin made The French Connection. Then two years later he said to himself: "Fuck Gene Hackman, Satan is better". And the result was one of the best horror films ever made.

Cheers to Selma Blair being creepier, or just as creepy, as John McCain's wife. She was 15 years old when this movie was made, and when it was finished, she was a demon. So many things about this movie make it creepy: its soundtrack, the special effects, Ellyn Burstyn being the most convincing stressed out mother ever.

There are so many wonderful shots in the movie, my favorite being in the opening moments of the movie. But one of the best, by far, is the famous "taxi arrival" shot (seen above). It's an homage to a painting called "Empire of Light":

You learn something new every day....

The Omen

////

Although very similar to the Exorcist in my opinion, this movie was still just as good. Gregory Peck was kind of strange to watch in this role, because it seemed that he was a little too cold towards his son (Damien) even from the beginning. The opening scene was creepy, thats for damn sure. I kept wondering to myself why anyone would listen to a priest, yet alone one that is telling a new father to get rid of his first born child.

But I liked the pace of the film, because it totally shifts after the nanny hangs herself on the roof at Damien's birthday party. I am working on compiling a list of the top 10 "best deaths" in horror films. Two will be coming from this movie; the nanny hanging herself, and the plate glass window beheading the photographer. I am not a sadist, I'm just aesthetically incorrect.

(my biggest beef with this movie was the fact that the shot shown above, of Damien, was not in the movie. This picture is awesome. I would know, I am a photojournalist)

Black Sunday

////

This movie was hands down more transcendent than Jesus Christ himself. If you like horror movies, or appreciate good filmmaking, then rent this movie...twice. This was my first Mario Bava picture, and it definitely won't be my last. The opening scene had me transfixed, I refused to stop watching, at any cost. Unless the Bulls went to the superbowl. There are so many great shots in this movie, that if you took a shot of rum for ever beautiful shot, you'd die of love.

Now, the movie had its "scary" moments, but I don't think it was that kind of movie. Movies dealing with satan and witches aren't all that scary, especially if they take place in the 19th century. But there were scenes that were pretty good at making me wish I were back in 1960 when this movie premiered, maybe then I would've gotten a bit scared. God damn CGI...

If you've seen Sleepy Hollow, you must definitely see this film. Tim Burton has even admitted to having been largely influenced by Bava, especially Black Sunday. There is one particular scene, towards the end, where the witch is taking over the princess. Now, we get a close up of the princess' face, which slowly turns into an old, wrinkled looking face. I was utterly perplexed at how this was done; I mean, come on, it was 1960. So I began thinking of how this could be done. There were no visible cuts in the film, no changes in lighting whatsoever, no prosthetics at all because this effect fades in and fades back out.

I couldn't figure it out, so I watched this scene with audio commentary. I learned, quite to my suprise, that Bava lit this film with color gels, as one would if they were shooting on color film. But Bava did this to achieve the effect of the "face morph". He painted Barbara Steele's (what a babe) face with red lines, and used a red light, so they would not show up on the film. But then he faded into a green light while fading out the red, so the lines slowly appeared.

THIS IS INGENIOUS. (not to be confused with indigenous)